deary me

Today has been a tricky day. For the first time in a long time I feel like I'm in something way, way over my head. It was the first day of classes at FU Prep, the 6-week program designed to give exchange students a grounding in the language. Or so I thought. 

I got there fine. I even bought a coffee and a chocolate croissant at the station, and made some friends as we got lost and then found each other along the way. But this is where the fun ended. The rest of the day I spent feeling like I was on the outside of a horrible private German joke.

I have been deluding myself that the bits and pieces I've taught myself between jobs would be enough to get by. The day involved three language tests, including the "conversation interview" where I stumbled through some verbs and nouns much to the disappointment of the teachers and the cringing embarrassment of my peers. I also managed to "ace" the online test component with a score of 13% through guesswork that had nothing to do with comprehension. 

Apart from (as is probably obvious from the tone of this post) my self-pity, I'm also worried that I'm not good enough to do the course and they will refuse to take me on. I'm willing to work hard but I don't know if it's enough. It's all just a little overwhelming at the moment. 

But to put it into context, I came overseas in search of a challenge, and I sure as heck have found one. And I've made some friends today, and tomorrow night we're going to a pub. So things will be getting better very soon.